Media shlock and other perceptions

chhhhhssssnnnnnnnnnfffffffffffffffffffffffffssss
ssssssssssttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttssssssss
Listen
asssttttttttttttttttcchchchchchchchchchchchsssss
ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttcccccccccsssssss
what???????????ssssssssssssssschhhhhhhhhhc
huh// huh//huh////? sssssssssssssssschhhhhhhhhhtttt
Dat were me eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Ta huh ta huh okay okay okay okay
Not that again.
too much too much too much too much
Misinterpretation shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Film. Acuity of method. Round about. Hurt flash into
Those that think that... that perpetuate that tttttttttttt
SHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
But not that, not that not that, not that but access.

Sound poetry. With a hyperlink to a documentary film I'm in, recently out.
Oh, and you just thought I was going bananas eh?
I'm an artist, not a court room case! And if you really are a judge, lose your prejudice, and reserve your judgements and harsh sentences for your job!
So I can get back to my sound poetry.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cchchcaha haha hhahahah
Beings, book, beings second happenings and things
Expressions outside the range of understood sense
And getting into expressing the feeling, the sensory,
the society sense, my percipience of that I pick up,
Add up, look up, get, don't quite get, want to question,
Toss and turn at, worry I've stepped over a boundary,
Crash and burn the crap thrown at me, hurt, but,
Hardening, sshhhhhshshshtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Watching hours of YouTube comedy when work,
work work is nagging to be done, but the back of
My mind is saying, no way, there is no way I want
You to think of anything but the laugh for a while.
But I look up 'stand up comedy' and it's all men. So,
I look up, 'Stand up comedy women' and men are
Sprinkled in, not that I mind men's comedy,
it's just that for the moment I've had enough of listening
to their dick opinions that cunt me
And why they get the focus when I'm looking for women.
Too serious, too angry, too hurt, get away from it
And CHCHCHsssssssssssstttttttttttttttttttt out hhhhap.
You don't know what you do, society, society, society,
That echoes within where verbal abuse bruises
To shuttersssssssssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttttttttttttputt
Putt out eventually. I know it will eventually. These things
Must run out of their false esteem grime sheeeeeeeeeeem.
Whatever you do, don't post it. They'll think you are
um... you know, not gnawing the maul, like most glue.
Wha? I'm fine with myself, with everyone else
Just sometimes, what to say what's on my mind
Without thinking about how you might perceive it,
How you might think me wrong, weird, crazy, eeediot!
See lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sssssssssssssssssssssssssounnnnnnnnnnnndddssssss
as AM sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppsssssss. You know I need to be out side the range of your sense
to get my sense of humour back and stop beating you
Over the head with my angry little blogging flogging grrr
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you
should know that............ heee hah ha h a h hahah ha ha!

Laugh, laugh at that time I was dragged off screaming
people did, but they didn't realise, they did not realise,
that psychiatry is horrific, or they did and were glad
it was not them being taken in... 
the memory of what they did overbearing,
the emotional memory
is a bear, or lion eating my face off... as bad as that,
and then people have the gall to tell me I'm lying!
I fear the pain of what psychiatry has done to me,
As much as I fear the pain of some animal eating
My face off... and that's my perception, so,
make it funny, make me laugh that off, drag it out into a routine, make me beam that you've done a triple twist
on my painful memory, so that psychiatry
will stop their regime that threatens and harms
and never ever understands art or laughter, just diagnoses it.
The emotional memory hurts me when it gets triggered.
Yes, emotions, they hurt somewhat, but the pain,
The pain is my body saying: see this thing that happened,
Do something about it so society doesn't perpetuate it,
So they get it. People won't get that it's as bad to you,
As being mauled by hungry animals that just think
Of you as sustenance, except maybe in a picture... or
except maybe someone who's understanding
like your beautiful lover. Talk, make sounds, nonsense
even, until the consensual sense is thrashed out.
How to communicate with them, them, them, that cage
And hate my livid wrecking ball on their psychiatrist.
I'm talking stuff, but I'm far away from being lost
In alienation, far away from being lost in parallel
nightmare thinking, because I'm connecting, thinking,
getting stuff. And if I only get the sense of communication,
the sense of adding up sensory intake, that percipience, 
into sound expression, at the start
that should be okay; if it's only a scribbly image to start
that's okay, because, no one is ever perfectly clear
and succinct to everybody. Product is not there straight away for everyone. Besides, there is always someone
who is looking though their tints and veils
And Ned Kelly mask logos to fit you into them,
To say, yeah but... me, identify with my iconography!
Even if you find them unfitting and aahhhhhhhh
Shhhhhhhhhhfttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Goooooooooooooooooooow awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahy
they expect you to be the, because they think that they
they are the cream and when you say you don't eat
cream, that it's too rich, too sickening, they say,
don't you get the metaphor? and that's when I'm thinking
okay creamy pie endless factor in lies pill popper sty,
you talk metaphors, I think you're into poetry
so you might be into listening to the white noise hssssss
ssssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttchcccccchchhhhhhhwr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry you
feminismmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
of sound sense sound sense sense censor reason
seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

 

Chipmunka… publishing first-hand experiences

Chipmunka has just recently published a memoir of mine called, Naked ladies about two psychotic episodes following the death of my father. It’s in ebook at this stage, but will be in paperback in a few months’ time. http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2264

 

            So wonderful it is to find a publisher that wants first-hand experiences of people diagnosed with psychiatric conditions. In Australia, people have some fears regarding attempting to understand people who have delved into the symbolic world of waking-dreams. They seem to worry that it might somehow ‘get them’ too. That the schizophrenia ‘disease’ is contagious by hypnotic suggestions of art from these 'deranged' people.

I studied Professional Writing and Editing at Melbourne’s RMIT University. I got into this course on the strength of something I’d written when I was 22, before I’d experienced what psychosis meant. I knew somehow that what I was writing at age 32, wasn’t going to fit with consensual reality. And, it didn’t.

            I had burning things to say, but I had to think about how to say them, so that the public could be able to read them. Tutors and students really helped me get to this point. I really got a lot out of my time at RMIT.  I realised there is so much ignorance around what happens in psychiatric facilities. There was so much prejudice and that belief that there is no market for is regarded as a ‘dirty tissue.’

            In Naked ladies I was able to take raw material I wrote while in an episode and write it in a way that can be comprehended. This book allows people to understand how I was able to be lured into the fantasy world of waking-dreams that lead to waking-nightmares, not just once, but again, with the same science-fiction themes.

            If you want to understand what it is like to hear voices, or have other sensory ‘hallucinations’ and strange ‘delusional’ belief systems, this book takes you through my journey of this. It’s a fast-paced book. Lots of things happen all at once. Very much what psychiatrists would term, ‘mania’, ‘paranoia’, ‘conspiracy theories’, ‘florid psychosis’, and ‘positive symptoms of schizophrenia.’ There are also breaks in between the ‘psychotic episodes’, where I resume a ‘normal state of being.’

The book also includes illustrations and paintings I did at the time, but it is a decent sized book. I like books to be at least 70,000 words, when they’re not poetry books or novellas.

I hope Australia will start publishing more first-hand experiences about altered states of consciousness that get labelled ‘diseased’ by psychiatrists. There is a growing market for these books. It is peer support. And books like this help people realise that people with lived-experience are not ‘consumers’ and ‘useless eaters’, we are people who have had unusual experiences. These experiences are our coping mechanisms. Yes they are flawed, but how nightmarish they become has to do with how these symbolic manifestations are treated by society. Treat unusual experiences with fear and prejudice and psychiatric torture and what does society expect will happen? A cure? Apparently that is the current belief… But that is not the truth of what’s happening. The truth will be found in books by those who have experienced psychiatric conditions first-hand.

Chipmunka has just recently published a memoir of mine called, Naked ladies about two psychotic episodes following the death of my father. It’s in ebook at this stage, but will be in paperback in a few months’ time. http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2264